While the lovable characters, rich mythos, and hooky underlying concept keeps us invested, the hope of selling droves of toys has always been at the center of the Transformers franchise. In its 30 year history, there has been an absolute onslaught of additional promotional material hoping to aid the cartoons and comics in their quest to send the Autobot and Decepticon toys flying from the shelves. Naturally, the copious television commercials have been the most memorable.
Despite dramatic narration and dazzling robot money shots, some of the Transformers commercials stick out more for their flirtation with the bizarre. This was especially true in the 1980s, but weird moments can be found throughout the entire history of TF adverts if you dig long enough. Let's go over a few examples!
OK, I might have dug too far. In this Diaclone Powered Convoy commercial, the Transformers weren't even Transformers yet! Still, I wanted to include this because I've always found this shot of soon-to-be Autobots floating through the sky in unison incredibly creepy. Now, I pass the burden to you.
Oh, no. I'm sorry, but there's no way I could leave out the possessed kid that pops up during the theme song's vocoded "Robots in Disguise!" chant. I pulled this example from the Insecticons commercial, and it's every bit as freaky as I remembered. I may never sleep again.
Later G1 commercials got a bit friendlier with their child actor portions, but seeing them turn into the characters is still pretty weird. This Ultra Magnus example was pulled from the 1987 Duocons commercial. I've adored the 'Bots and 'Cons from day one, but I don't think I've ever wanted to be any of them. The fact that I've basically become a Junkion in my adult life is beside the point. Let's move on.
Yep. The Wreck-Gar and Springer commercial shows the classic "bang 'em together" play style that many kids put their Transformer toys through. I was never the sort to do this, but I've heard many a tale. Unfortunately, this advertised example looks more like some sort of mating ritual than a battle for the ages.
Underoos, man. Underoos. This is the sort of imagery that can stop even the most prolific blogger/journalist type dead in their tracks. There are no words.
After you're done bleaching your brain, let's move on to the 1990s! The Generation 2 Superion and Bruticus commercial's oddity lies mostly in its hilarious rap soundtrack. The lyrics are a source of endless treasures. I have one word for you: "Dude-icus."
The Beast Wars Fuzors commercial opened with a fairly horrific origin for Silverbolt. I have no idea what happens beyond the 4 second mark. The intro is too much for my brain to handle. The 90s sure were extreme.
The B'Boom and Transquito commercial was just as horrific (for totally different reasons.) My collecting side makes me twitch whenever the "action scenes" in toy ads resort to piling heaps of rubble on top of the figures. So many surface scrapes. Yeesh.
It's not always about the merchandise however! This Cybertron marathon promo from Cartoon Network's Toonami programming block has another example of bizarre audio. The commercial is narrated by Peter Cullen in full Optimus Prime voice, but it continually cuts to clips of the Garry Chalk voiced Optimus featured in the show. That's weird enough as is, but Cullen eventually instructs us to stay on the couch. I never thought I'd hear such a thing coming from that powerful voice. One shall stand...one shall sit around eating Doritos.
OK, one last example! This is a Transformers: Prime marathon promo that features Megatron turning into a freaking Care Bear. The insanity is kicked up ten levels with the rambling Frank Welker narration. Screw G.I. Joe, this is the crossover I really want to see!
Of course, there are just as many incredibly well done ads that basically leave you throwing your money at the screen. The Cybertron Dark Crumplezone, Evac, and Downshift promo is one of my favorites. The "weird" stuff will always stick out a bit more however, and the examples above only scratch the surface. A simple Youtube search for "Transformers commercials" can lead you down a dangerous rabbit hole of sights and sounds that will never leave you.
It's over - FINISHED! If you want to catch my future fits of nerdery and geekdom, feel free to watch out for them on Twitter and Facebook!
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