Castle Geek-Skull's French Toast Crunch Review

Bursting with cinnamon and syrup taste.

There was a time in my life where sugary kid's cereal was a fairly regular part of my diet, and I'm a devout follower of the gospel of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Its tiny little squares make up one of the godliest varieties of tooth-destroying breakfast you'll ever find. You'd think I would've been way down to clown with its spin-off French Toast Crunch, but I managed to miss the boat entirely.

Somehow, I'm not sure I even knew French Toast Crunch existed until it was already off of the shelves. Fortunately, it proved popular enough for General Mills to recently bring it back after an 8 year hiatus. Now, it's time to see what all the fuss is about.

Sprite Zero Cranberry Review

Yes, I am contractually obligated to have all my sodas blessed by early 90s X-Men Artwork.

Hello and welcome back to Castle Soda-Skull, where we review fizzy soft-drinks up and down and all around. On our last installment, we assaulted your face with a look at the new Mountain Dew Game Fuel Lemonade. We're still (and always) feeling a bit fruity, so let's dive into a can of Sprite Zero Cranberry and see what's what.

This oh-so-festive flavor apparently debuted in 2013 but it's new to me! Sprite Cranberry is clearly an attempt to take the wind out of Pepsi's sails by directly challenging the ever-popular Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. I actually don't like that particular beverage at all, so checking out the competing version was quite a risk. Ever the daredevil, I heightened the stakes even further by opting for the diet version. (Real talk? I've hit a wonderfully bodacious level of body curvature that I wish to maintain, so I'm taking it easy on the high fructose corn syrup.)

Alright, enough flowery meandering! I'm sure you're all just dying to know my thoughts on the taste of this "other natural flavor"-fueled cranberry concoction. Enjoy a closeup of the can's amazingly simplistic logo whilst preparing yourself for the truths I'm about to drop.

Mountain Dew Game Fuel Lemonade Review

Do the eww?

Despite a lackluster experience with the mass-release of Baja Blast, I've just given in to yet another Mountain Dew flavor. Their latest vidya games tie-in promotion has delivered the new Game Fuel Lemonade, and I wasn't able to resist its alluring yellow glow. I enjoy both "Dew" and lemonade alike, so what could go wrong?

2014's Monster Cereals Have Absurdly Multilayered Appeal

Given their two-month-per-year sales window, General Mills doesn't need to get overly fancy with the packaging of their Monster Cereals. I'm pretty sure plain white boxes with the names scribbled on in Sharpie would sell just fine. Even so, they really went for the throat this year.

5 Sugary Standbys Of Halloween

One of the byproducts of my love for Halloween is a tendency to hang around in the seasonal areas of my local retail chains and grocery stores. Even if I don't make a purchase, being surrounded by inflatable ghosts, skull shaped candle holders, and jack-o'-lantern pails is something of a comfort. I'm pretty sure I was just born this way.

Of course, even more ubiquitous than decorations, toys, and even costumes are reams and reams of candy assortments and other tooth rotting delights. Just about every snack food you can think of tends to get doctored up in bat-riddled orange and black packaging around this time of year, even those you probably wouldn't naturally associate with it. (I'm looking at you, Goldfish crackers.)

Despite the commonality of it all, there are at least a few that I absolutely adore seeing return to the shelves each October. I think I smell a list-post coming on! Here are 5 sugary standbys of Halloween:

Candy Corn!

Kellogg's Late Night Snack Cereal Boxes Give Away My Dirty Secret

Insert your own "they're great!" joke here.

Though it's something I'm working on, I'm historically the type that cares way too much what people think of me. It can be paralyzing in many ways. One of the most ridiculous is feeling weird about the mere possibility of someone judging me over the items in my cart when checking out at department or grocery stores. I've even been the sort to throw unneeded stationary, batteries, or cleaning supplies into the mix just to make the overall purchase appear more "adult" or "responsible" when buying things like action figures. I actually have been given crap from people (even cashiers) in the past about my purchases, and the "old me" wanted to completely curl up into a ball and hide rather than rock a well deserved "get funked" or simple "it's a gift" excuse. For shame.

I try to live my life with a little more "IDGAF" attitude these days, but you know, old habits can be difficult to completely turn around. It's probably part of bigger issues that need to be corrected through mystical means, but I do still find myself feeling a bit shy about my purchases here and there. Oddly enough, groceries can be one of the biggest worry inducing items. What if I want to buy horrible sugary kid's cereal for some reason? OH NO, WHAT WILL THEY THINK?!

Evangelion Doritos! How Did I Miss These?!

The most natural product tie-in ever.

Why am I only just now finding out that there were Doritos manufactured with Evangelion artwork all over the packaging? These were only recently pointed out to me by Twitter's JapanCinema. Upon further investigation, the Evangelion branded Doritos were originally on the shelves seven years ago! What was I doing with my life in 2007 that was too important to notice such wonderment? Furthermore, why do I want them so freaking bad?

Baja Blast Hits Stores (How My Affair with Mountain Dew May Have Ended)

Baja Blast Mountain Dew. Bottled. In Stores. God help us.

Ok, I admit it! I tend to be a sucker for any new Mountain Dew product. Whenever there's some new version on the shelves, I inevitably end up giving it a try. I know it's awful for me, but I keep getting lured in all the same. Even after the decision to cut soda and it's nasty cohort high fructose corn syrup from my life, I couldn't help myself from giving in when I spotted "Baja Blast" (the flavor famous for only being available at Taco Bell) at my local grocery store. Crap.

Optimus Prime Carved in Watermelon!

From 9GAG's timtamcookiejar (we think), it's the Optimus Prime Watermelon carving! Transform and...food up? Get fruity? Make everything else in the fridge taste like watermelon? Insert your own unfunny nonsense here!

While you're here, consider throwing money at some of these fine Transformers products on Amazon: